Just a Name
by xonceinadream
Summary: [Blangst Prompt of the Day] After a fight with Kurt, Blaine doesn't realize that he's reacting to his birth name and he's upset at the thought of telling the truth to the glee club. [ftm!Blaine]


**Written for a prompt by Blangst Prompt of the Day on tumblr.**

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When Rebekah Thomas joins the glee club, Kurt gives Blaine a look. Blaine's tense, his entire body drawn up tight but he smiles back at Kurt, trying to reassure him. It's okay. It's just the first name that he was born with, that he answered to for sixteen years. It's only the name that his father still calls him and so his mother does as well because she always follows his lead. He can handle it. And he does, for the most part. He's good at handling it. When Cooper comes to visit them Cooper only makes the mistake once and fortunately Rebekah is standing there to answer the question that Cooper shoots out. Nobody notices the way that Cooper, Blaine and Kurt all stand tense. It's easily brushed off and forgotten.

Then he fights with Kurt. It's silly. Blaine knows deep down that it's silly. It's just that Kurt is going to New York. Kurt is going to New York and there are going to be a lot of hot guys, guys without his… problem. His problems, his baggage, his not so male-ish parts. And yeah, they've worked around it in the bedroom and Kurt's sworn to Blaine that he's more than satisfied but it makes him feel self-conscious, especially considering that Kurt only ever talks about NYADA lately.

It's why Chandler upsets him so much. Blaine knows that Kurt wouldn't ever cheat but it doesn't stop that vicious voice in his head. Because Chandler is a guy, all 100% man who Kurt would be more comfortable with. Blaine just knows it. The fight is vicious and Blaine says things that he doesn't mean and Kurt responds in kind.

"Maybe I'll just hook up with Chandler when I go to New York then! If you think that I'd prefer somebody with a dick so much then he's a perfect candidate. I'll actually get the chance to bottom for once which obviously you can't give me." It's Kurt's parting shot and the second that he says it his eyes widen and his hands fly to his lips. Blaine probably deserves the words. For their entire fight he's been accusing Kurt of wanting more, of wanting Chandler, of wanting any guy actually.

That doesn't mean that the words don't _hurt_. They're every insecurity Blaine's ever had. That he's not enough. That he doesn't keep Kurt happy. He runs from the room, not even stopping at Burt and Carole's concern because he simply can't. He's sobbing when he arrives home and his father's words burn in his ears because his father had always said that he cried too much to really be a boy. Silly Rebekah Anderson, his father had said. Boys don't cry. And Blaine had done a lot of crying when he'd told his father.

If Blaine had his way he would've stayed home from school the next day, would've stayed under the covers and watched Lifetime all day and eaten ice cream. His parents forbid it, though, and so he trudges to school, miserable. His hair is about to fall from the gel that he'd had trouble applying with shaky hands and the circles are dark under his eyes. Maybe it's for the best this way. Now Kurt can hook up with Chandler if they're not together.

Blaine's classes go as smoothly as they can go. He would skip out on glee club but Nationals is important and he can't let the team down. Not that he really needs to be there. They spend most of practice goofing off instead of planning and Blaine sits in his corner, trying not to let the way that Kurt is smiling from his spot perched on the piano bother him. Yeah, maybe it's best this way.

Practice is nearly over when Blaine's aware of somebody saying his name. He doesn't really register it for a moment, something sounding wrong in his ears but he turns anyway, figuring that it's just his sadness and the fact that he's not paying attention. "Yeah?" There's a sudden silence in the room, a few of the members still talking but the ones paying attention stare at Blaine. From the piano, Kurt is giving Blaine a pained look and he shakes his head but why? "What?"

"I said Rebekah," Puck responds, looking confused by the entire situation as he adjusts his guitar across his chest.

Blaine feels his face paling and oh, that's why Kurt was shaking his head. Okay, it's okay. He can just play it off. It's no big deal. Kurt's staring at him, eyes wide and Blaine feels his breath catch and he has to take a deeper one, determined not to have a panic attack right there in the middle of the choir room even though it feels like it's going to come.

"He must've misheard you. It doesn't matter," Kurt says sharply. Kurt, beautiful, wonderful Kurt who deserves better than his freak of a boyfriend (is Blaine still his boyfriend? He doesn't know what he'd do if he wasn't no matter if it was better that way or not) stands up, going over and pulling the chair next to Blaine closer. The screech gets everybody else's attention and now everybody in the room is staring at them as Kurt wraps an arm around Blaine, pulling him closer. "Take a breath for me, honey."

There's something there in Puck's eyes, something that makes Blaine's own eyes fill with tears because he doesn't want anybody to know. It's why he transferred to McKinley, a fresh start after his old school. Nobody can know. Where's Mr. Schuester? All the teachers know. Maybe he'd try to change the subject. But he's in the office photocopying sheet music.

"Why's he so upset if he just misheard?" Mercedes asks and there's no malice in her voice, just honest curiosity. As if she's a friend. As if she cares. Blaine's gotten used to no one caring. Not about him.

Kurt looks at Blaine, something akin to desperation in his eyes. Blaine just has to say something, that he's not upset, that he just misheard. Hell, he can lie and say that he's upset because he and Kurt had a fight. He opens his mouth and nothing comes out. If they knew, they would hate him. They might hurt him. Just like his friends had done before.

"Oh come on. What's the big secret? Not like he's born that way. Secretly a chick, Anderson?" Puck asks, as if the idea is so out there that there's no way that it can even be considered.

When Blaine opens his mouth, really intending to say something this time because he _has_ to now. Something has to be said. All that comes out is a strangled sob. Finn, the only other one in the room who knows is looking at him with sympathy, Kurt is giving Puck a death glare and Blaine pulls out of his hold. As soon as his feet are on the ground, he starts running. He has to get away.

From behind him, he can just barely hear Puck's voice "Oh. Oh, shit. What the hell?" before he slams the door behind him. Almost immediately, the door slams again and he can hear Kurt running after him, can hear Kurt calling his name but Blaine doesn't stop.

His lungs hurt after the third hallway, unsure where to go because his keys are in the backpack in the choir room but if he can just outlast Kurt. If he can just run for longer than Kurt, run until glee is over and he can go back and get his things… His heart hurts and his stomach hurts and he stops abruptly, sure that he's going to throw up. He slumps down against a locker and he feels Kurt immediately kneeling next to him.

"Come on, breathe for me, baby. You've gotta breathe." Kurt's voice is soothing in his ear, his arms comforting and his hold tight.

Blaine doesn't even realize how hard he's sobbing until he's held firmly in Kurt's hold, his entire body heaving with it and he shakes his head, gasping for a breath.

"Good job. Just keep breathing, okay? It's okay. We'll talk in a minute. Just breathe for me."

Blaine mimics Kurt's breaths, in and out and then again. When he's finally a bit more composed, he just rests his head against Kurt's chest, closing his eyes and trembling all over. "They're going to hate me."

Hold tightening almost imperceptibly, Kurt shakes his head. "No, they're not. They were just confused, Blaine. You've lied to-"

"I don't want them to know! They didn't have to know. They-"

"Hey, shh," Kurt interrupts, cupping Blaine's cheek and forcing Blaine's eyes to meet his own. "I know. I'm just saying, okay? I'm on your side. Always your side."

Blaine swallows hard and he couldn't look away from Kurt if he wanted to right then. "What about Chandler? And all the guys in New York?"

A sad smile forms on Kurt's lips as he leans in, kissing Blaine softly. It's a promise. Blaine knows their different kisses, can tell Kurt's mood by a kiss and he lets himself melt into it. He lets himself be reassured by the love in Kurt's movement. "Nobody compares to my beautiful boyfriend right here."

Blaine isn't sure that he believes it. It's hard to believe that Kurt could want to settle for him but it's good enough for now. It's something that can be revisited later because Kurt's here and he's here when Blaine needs him. That's what really matters.

"Do you want to explain things to them?"

Blaine knows that it won't stay a secret. Not in glee club. They'll all try to keep it a secret but somebody will overhear something. The thought makes him shiver, makes him close his eyes because they're just as vicious here as they were at his old school. And he never wants to have to go through that again. But then… he has friends here. Friends who love him (he hopes?), friends who care (or so they always say).

When Blaine nods, Kurt helps him stand and they go back into the choir room hand in hand. The reactions are mixed, confusion and a few stupid words but Kurt shuts them down quickly and he stops any questions because it's none of their business.

Blaine knows it's only a matter of time until words goes round the school but Kurt holds his hand tightly, Quinn smiles at him and Finn clasps him on the shoulder. Maybe he'll be alright. And maybe, just maybe, they really do care.


End file.
